You Can’t Learn Persistence By Quitting

By Todd Brehe

Went to my son’s T-ball game the other day and watched twenty or more kids take whacks at the baseball and run in random patterns around the bases.  My son is seven and all he really cares about is hitting. One of the finest skills I feel a person can learn and exemplify is persistence.  I also think Judo is one of the best vehicles available for people to develop this skill.  I’d guess most people in general, feel that martial arts training is an effective way to learn adaptability, self-confidence, and persistence.

I’m convinced Judo should be learned by every  child--especially young girls.  Not only does Judo teach the most effective form of self-protection available it challenges you in ways that other activities and sports can’t.

Mastering Judo takes a tremendous amount of time, effort, and commitment to accomplish.  Similar to playing an instrument or speaking a second language, earning a Judo black belt is a respected achievement because people realize how much work goes into it. The personal strides a Judo student will make during a long-term course of study, will positively influence the quality of his or her entire life.

Most Judo coaches that you will find around the U.S. are coaching because of the personal development “gifts” they received during their own Judo study. They recognize that Judo offers life training that is hard to get in other activities.  Many coaches feel that they have a responsibility, even a duty, to share the Judo experience with others and are trying to reach out and involve more and more people everyday.

So with all the great things that Judo study can do for people, especially children, why don’t we have 300,000+ members, 10,000 coaches, and 7,000 sanctioned events like USA Swimming?

You’ve probably heard a few of the excuses reasons yourself: “Judo isn’t a mainstream sport.  There’s no money in Judo.  American kids have too many activities they can be involved in. We lack unity and organization at the national level.  Judo is not on TV or in the movies. Hardly anyone in the U.S. knows about Judo.  Judo is too tough for American kids.”

You’ve probably heard a few reasons you could add to this list.  But I think it’s healthier to try and figure out better ways for the Judo community to communicate the value we offer and use that value to get more people involved.

It’s been our experience in our Club that many students don’t earn the benefits that Judo offers because they quit too soon.  You can’t learn persistence by quitting.  Persistence is a result of hanging in there when a situation is tough, uncomfortable, tiresome, and challenging.

This is an interesting dilemma.  Many parents get their children involved in Judo because they want their kids to improve self-discipline, self-confidence, and develop skills like persistence. The child will be gung-ho about Judo practice in the beginning.

Then a few months into it, practice isn’t as novel as it used to be. Practice gets tougher or the child wants to hang out with his friends, and his interest wanes.  Ultimately, the child tells his parents, “I’m bored. I just don’t like Judo anymore.  I don’t want to go tonight.”

As parents, we are very reluctant to force our kids to do an activity they tell us they don’t like.  We don’t want to be like those “other” parents who force their kids to play football or soccer because they played. And usually, if our child complains long enough and loud enough, we concede the fight and stop bringing our son or daughter to Judo class.

There’s the rub. We want our kids to learn persistence and self-discipline and adaptability.  Yet we don’t want to force them to do things they don’t want to do.

The truth is that you can’t learn these qualities without being in an environment that is tough, gritty, and physically and mentally demanding. You can’t learn persistence by quitting when the going gets rough. You can’t learn adaptability by always being in an environment that is comfortable.  You can’t learn self-discipline by never being in a situation that demands it.

So as parents do we force our kids to do something they say they really don’t like?

Of course! Given the choice, many kids wouldn’t eat a healthy diet, wouldn’t go to school, and wouldn’t do their homework. Most kids would rather play Nintendo all night long than help around the house.

We force our kids to do a lot of things they don’t like to do, and wouldn’t otherwise, because we have decided that these activities are important and necessary to help our children develop into wholesome people.  We make our kids do things they don’t like to because that is an integral part of parenting.  It’s a test for us being the “bad guy,” but it’s necessary. Most children are not that adept at putting themselves in a character-building environment.  That’s our job.

If you find a Judo program that you determine is challenging physically and mentally, has a good team environment, is taught by a coach who can help your son or daughter grow as a person, I encourage you to make your child attend for a minimum of a year. You’ll be amazed at the growth your child will experience.  And often times, when kids get over the 4-6 month “hump,” they will be thankful you kept them involved.

If your child complains or whines about going to Judo practice, empathize with him, and then drop him off at the dojo. It’s going to require that you demonstrate persistence, self-discipline, and commitment. That’s not always easy, but it’s valuable and will set an outstanding example for your child.

I borrowed this philosophy from my good friends Ken and Cindy Sunada.  When their sons were growing up, they encouraged them to participate in any activities they wanted. They had a simple rule.  If you decide to play a sport or learn an instrument or something else, you will commit to doing it for a minimum of one year. After a year, if you choose not to do the activity, at least you gave it a fair chance.

They felt passionately about not letting their boys develop the habit of quitting. So they changed the rules of the game and eliminated quitting as an option.  Their sons are some of the most persistent, hard working people I know.  And while this philosophy wasn’t the only reason they turned out the way they did, it was a contributing factor.

In addition to getting parental buy-in, Judo coaches can do a better job of sharing the reasons that a person should stay in Judo.  The benefits are really exciting. When I think about the wonderful rewards my Judo career has provided me, I think of lifelong friendships with outstanding people. I think of all the physical, mental, and emotional challenges that have helped develop solid confidence and personal toughness.

Because of Judo, I have been able to visit and live in countries around the globe and be welcomed by fellow Judoplayers.  You can take your gi to almost every other country in the world and find a community of friendly Judo people who will look out for you.

I have seen Judo keep my friends off the streets and out of trouble that they most assuredly would have been in.   I have seen how the challenges they faced in Judo have helped them be more successful in their business and personal lives.

Because of Judo, I learned how to eat right, stay healthy, and improve my physical conditioning. Because of Judo, many of us have had life-shaping experiences and opportunities that most Americans don’t have.

I think of the fact that a Judo athlete, with hard work, dedication and commitment has a chance to be an Olympic and world class athlete; an opportunity that isn’t available in many sports like gymnastics, track & field, and even swimming where genetics largely determines your potential.

If you interested in seeing your child (or yourself) develop excellent qualities like persistence, self-control, and confidence, find a good Judo program and make a long-term commitment.  You’ll be amazed at the personal growth your child will experience, the lifelong friendships she will make, and the doors that will open for her.  It isn’t easy and it takes sustained effort, but it’s always fun and sure is worthwhile.